tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
