we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
