I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
