the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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