i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
