You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
