Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
