note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ladies don't puke and tell
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize