Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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