I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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