I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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