If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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