The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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