Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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