Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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