how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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