I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
