I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
