i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
