I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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