so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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