Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
