I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
