im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
