I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
