he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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