oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
