I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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