Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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