She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
