how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love having hate sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
