i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
