Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
