You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
