So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
