What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
