hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
