Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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