She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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