..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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