Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
