Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
