Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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