woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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