My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
