they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
