literally had 100 drinks last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
