whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize