I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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