I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
