she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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