At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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