Will you blow on my dice?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was born a porn star she said
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
