i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
