my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
