I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
