Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
