Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
