I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
