stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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