Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
