smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
