hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
