I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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