Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
