I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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