i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
